American Horror Story: Coven, Episode 310: “The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks”

First off, I would like to apologize for the notable absence of a review for episode 309; try as I might, I had absolutely nothing to say about that episode. It was all just very mehh. I could actually say the same for “The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks,” but “mehh” just doesn’t adequately capture my feelings towards this episode.

Maybe it was the midseason break, or maybe I just had too much pent-up anticipation for the Stevie episode. Whatever the reason, “The Magical Delights of Stevie Nicks” solidified the complete and total collapse of any coherent plot in American Horror Story: Coven.

My initial thoughts as I was recovering from this trainwreck of an episode were “Wow, what a total waste of Stevie.” Ryan Murphy managed to get Stevie Nicks to be on his show, yet he took no pains to write a good episode around her. Basically, Fiona is trying to feel out whether or not Misty Day is the next Taco Supreme, so Fiona brings in Misty’s idol to…teach Misty how to twirl? I am not criticizing Stevie here, I absolutely adore that woman, but really, Ryan Murphy? That’s the best you could come up with? Twirling lessons? Not to mention to horrendous use of Nicks’ lyrics as dialogue throughout the show. Nicks gives Misty a much-coveted shawl, telling her that it has “danced across the stages of the world,” a line straight out of Fleetwood Mac’s “Sweet Girl.” Later in the episode, Madison chirps to Misty that “players only love you when they’re playing,” a lyric from the band’s song “Dreams.” Ughh. Again, Fleetwood Mac is awesome, but abusing their lyrics in this fashion is just unforgiveable.

This whole episode, in fact, is unforgiveable. After spending the entirety of the season bent on each other’s destruction, Fiona and Marie suddenly become the best of besties. Marie even tells Fiona the secret to her immortality. Well, when Fiona asks, Marie tells her that she’s not ready for that information, and then proceeds to divulge the secret about two seconds later. Marie sold her soul to Papa Stay Puft, a voodoo ghost guy who likes cocaine. Correction – that’s “Papa Legba,” but it should have been Stay Puft. Anyway, Marie has to do a little favor for this guy once a year, and in exchange she has eternal life. Fiona tries to obtain this deal for herself, but it turns out she has no soul, so Papa’s not interested.

Then we have Cordelia, who had no idea her husband was a professional witch hunter, but then is able to find out all about her ex’s family business with a quick Google search. She then drowns herself in self-pity while Myrtle serenades her with the Theremin (which is a strange and somewhat intriguing instrument).

In other news, Madison tries to kill Misty, Fiona and Marie successfully kill Nan, and Stevie Nicks sings another song to Fiona. There is an imminent threat from the witch hunters, but everyone is way more concerned with who will be the next Taco Supreme. I honestly do not care anymore. I hope the witch hunters come and wipe them all out, at least that would signify the end of the season. They can all get wiped out while Myrtle longingly plays the Theremin in the background. This season has turned into such an epic failure; I cannot imagine any scenario that could salvage it at this point.

 

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