The Walking Dead – A General Commentary on My Distaste for Michonne

With less than 2 days until the return of Season 3, I thought I’d take a moment to discuss my various problems with Michonne. Now, I realize that for some reason, people really like this character. I have not read the comic series, and I openly admit to being offended by Danae’s Gurira’s acting capabilities. These things being said, deep down, I still dislike the character.

I know that by all rights I should like Michonne. She is designed to be this girl-power, intelligent, zombie-killing machine. This might be, in fact, why I dislike her so much – her overwhelming solemnity functions only to cast her as a parody of everything that she is intended to represent. Her intensity does not relay intellect or cunning; rather, her constant glaring is ridiculous. And hilarious. Really, I can’t even look at her without falling into fits of laughter.

By now, we are all familiar with Michonne’s patented glare. The Talking Dead has attempted to justify its constant presence, claiming that this look of pure consternation is meant to convey Michonne’s careful processing of her surroundings. However, it is not difficult to read the pain behind those angry eyes – a pain that can only come from needing a stool softener in the midst of a zombie apocalypse. In fact, this little problem explains Michonne’s presence outside of the convenience store when she was creeping on Glenn and Maggie. Sure, she was nursing a gunshot wound, but that hardly compares to the trauma of a clogged pipe.

Perhaps even more troubling than the constant angst and potential constipation is the fact that Michonne willingly spent 8 months alone with Andrea. Andrea (who I have come to dislike perhaps even more than the loathsome Lori,) offered to stay behind and die. Michonne did not allow this to happen. Why? Michonne had no problem euthanizing her pets when they jeopardized her well-being. In the long run, those pets were clearly more loyal to Michonne than Andrea, who abandoned her “friend” at the first whiff of testosterone. For a woman with such blatant trust issues, it is surprising that she chose to trust Andrea.

Those trust issues give me trust issues, frankly. Other than Andrea, Michonne doesn’t trust anyone, which can only mean one of two things:

1.) She has been seriously screwed over, OR

2.) She, like the governor, is not trustworthy herself

I’m leaning towards option #2.

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